I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Everclear isn't food dammit
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
