Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
