You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
