Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
