My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
