There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
