She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Congratulations! We have a period
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
