It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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