The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
