Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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