Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
