She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
