You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
