I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
