I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
