Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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