Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
