my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
