a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You took a bar mat shot.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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