Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
