Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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