no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
