so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
