I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
