chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
