Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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