Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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