Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize