Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
