the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How many fucks given?
0.12846
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
