Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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