Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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