Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
