I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
