You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
