That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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