Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
