i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
