The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
