Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
