Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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