Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
