break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
