And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
