There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
