first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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