Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We have started to decorate penises.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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