"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
