I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
