Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
