I hate all girls vehemently.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
