please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
