The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
