she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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