I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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