I think im going to throw up on grandma
this beer tastes like vomit already
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
