apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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