So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
