Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
