The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
