My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
