Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
