If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
