I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
