im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
