Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
