Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
