There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
