My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
