i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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